Lessons I have learned on my trip to wounded knee reservation….first and foremost that I am so imperfect in so many ways that were evident on this trip, and that without God I would have no hope or desire to be here. It was a very, very humbling experience that I know will stay with me for a long time and I hope will make me a better person because of it. This was a trip out of my comfort zone, so to speak, and I was not prepared to see that I needed to be more loving, more forgiving, and definitely more self sacrificing.. Nine days with eleven different personalities and the exposure to a different culture and way of life that I have never known before. I thought I was ready and that God was sending me on a journey where I would be used and make a difference in peoples lives. One of the lessons I learned was a hard lesson on blending in and joining others in a lifestyle that was so different to what I was accustomed to. I didn’t like myself and I didn’t like being so far away for so long as time went on. But the fact is God is still with me and showing me that He still loves me and has given me love for others that are different than myself.
The drive was long, but the closer we got to our destination I found myself getting more and more excited at what was to come. The scenery was ever changing and I was in awe at our wonderful Lord’s creativity. I can’t remember ever seeing such beauty and just breath taking views of our land. Every thing I was taking in was overwhelming to me, being so secluded and protected in the safety of my existence at home. The further away I got from that which I was accustomed to the more I could feel myself changing and not always in a good way. When we got to the reservation…I totally felt like I was in a different world. I am sure everyone that goes on mission trips has their own kind of dealing with things and mine was my own in so many ways…I felt alone, except I did feel God’s comfort and presence. Even after saying this I also felt confusion. Which I have not felt before…and this is what bothered me the most. Why had this catastrophe taken place to a people that had a right to be on their own land, but it was taken away from them in a most horrific kind of way known to man. Now I can see that it has been this way since the beginning of the ages and now I can actually feel for what others have experienced and how truly sad it is when we are born into a sinful world such as we had in our past history and still have today. But God does not leave us to go through this life on our own. Even in my own little world away from home and all that was precious to me, I found that life is precious every where we are and I could see it on the face of those I came in contact with. I am not to judge others…that is God’s job. I am to love others as my Heavenly Father has loved me…and to show grace as God has shown His grace to me. I met the people and lived there for the time we were given and I learned that we really are all alike in so many ways. We all live a life of poverty if we don’t know the love of Jesus no matter how many material things we possess. We all experience a feeling of injustice if we are not exposed to the love of the Father and put Him first each and every second of the day. When we drift away from what we feel we are owed in ways of comfort and desires we are drifting away from what our Lord wants to teach us. Man can be exposed to the love and grace of Jesus and not accept it if he chooses and that is what breaks my heart the most. As even I have experienced. The pictures that I have in my camera and the pictures that are still in my memory will stay with me forever and I hope that as I review them, see the little precious native American children playing and listening, not listening, running around with runny noses and looks of sadness, playfulness, mischievous behavior, and longing to be loved and accepted I will show the love and grace to them and to others around me. When I remember the hope I had as I talked with the couple of women I got close to and then felt I wasn’t sure about who to trust in what was said I will leave it all in God’s mighty hands and just love the special moments I did share with them…the bond that could only be held for a brief time while we shared in God’s word and each others lives. My hope and prayer is that the Lakota’s lives we touched while we were there will be a stepping stone for what is to come in the future as others go and too, they seek the way to lead them to a relationship with their maker.
Karen Tilbury July 12, 2010
Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all ye that HOPE in the LORD. Psalms 31:24
